“You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord.”
Psalms 139:4 NLT
I was losing my voice again. This was the third time in less than a month. As I made my third visit to Urgent Care, I was frightened to think that this might be more than just an illness, but rather something that would cause vocal rest or worst, surgery. As I left the clinic, I was given another diagnosis of laryngitis. The doctor decided to also refer me to get a scan of my vocal chords.
The day I was scheduled for my scan was the craziest day of the week. That morning I overslept and forgot to bring my purse to a different doctor’s appointment which made me drive all the way home, across town, just to get my wallet. After my appointment, I scheduled a meeting with a friend but then had to reschedule due to my ENT appointment, which was in thirty minutes.
When I walked in front of the ENT clinic, I noticed a Starbucks at the entrance. Since I still had some major life decisions to make, I had no choice but to purchase a tall, non-fat, no whip, carmel macchiato. I might have added cream in honor of the day.
Once I entered the doctor’s office, I noticed there weren't machines around for scanning. As the doctor entered I asked him about my scan and he told me that I wasn’t going to have a scan but a procedure.
Now when I hear the word “procedure” it translates as (I’m staying overnight at the hospital while eating red jello for every meal). I was in a state of shock and continued to be when the doctor then described the procedure in detail, how he was going to take a long scope and put it through my nose canal down in my throat and “investigate” my vocal chords....etc, etc. Really? Did he have to tell me everything he was going to do to me, in detail?! He really doesn’t know me well, or he would never have said that!
I remember asking him if it was going to hurt. He laughed a little and said, “No, but the medication tastes horrible.” As the nurse squirted a device with meds up my nose to numb it, I could taste the medication pouring in the back of my throat and yes, it tasted horrible! Minutes later the doctor came in and started to push the scope through my nose canal. I immediately said, “Doctor, I feel it!” He then proceeded to go to the other nostril and do the same thing. I then repeated myself again by saying, “I can feel everything.” He squirted me the second time in an attempt to numb me further and left the office.
At that time I was freaking out. I kept replaying in my head all the things he told me he was going to do with that scope and then it happened. I started having a panic attack right there in the chair! I was dripping in a cold sweat, getting dizzy, and trying to get the courage to yell for a nurse. I needed water and fast! God reminded me that in addition to my tall, non-fat, no whip, with cream, carmel macchiato, I also purchased a bottle of water, Praise the Lord! All I remember was pouring the water over my face and arms, trying not to pass out. When the doctor walked in, it looked like I had a long and hard battle with ‘The Culligan Man;’ there was water everywhere. The doctor looked with concern at my current condition. I then told him I just had a panic attack. His only response was, “Ok Amy, I’ll look inside your mouth and check it that way.” I was so happy because there was no way he was going to get that scope in any crevasse of my being.
Nothing is a surprise to God. I’ve heard many say there are no random events and I truly believe that. God is Sovereign, over all things. Usually, when I make a trip to Starbucks, I rarely get water. That day God knew I would need it just minutes later. He is in every detail and he doesn’t miss a beat. Psalm 139:1-6 (NLT), says, “O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!” Isn’t it good to know we have a God who knows infinitely more than we do? Who knows what is good for us? Who knows what will happen, good and bad to us? Who knows when to warn us of harm? Who cares and loves us more than anyone else? I could go on all day. I’m so thankful for His protection and attention to detail. What a beautiful thought that God loves me so much to make sure He’s in the details of my life!
A few weeks ago I heard a pastor speak about events that happen in a believers life and what their response should be when these events happen. He said our good and bad circumstances should not be defined by how they affect us personally but by how they affect our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. By knowing this as a believer, our response to God and the situation should be absolute trust. How many times have we determined a situation unfair or horrific, but if that situation drew us closer to the Lord, it was for our good. Just thinking about that statement makes me want to go through my list of ”good and bad” situations in life and redefine them.
May we always trust God because we don’t have the playbook of our lives, He does. In knowing that, let Him make the decisions and ‘play on‘ until the game is over.
As always, I’m learning right there with ya.
Thankful For His Grace,
Amy